Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Great Popcorn Fiasco

This happened several years ago-it kind of makes me grateful that our lives have settled down a bit now that the girls are older.

(Above, the guilty party)

Often people ask me what I do all day, staying home with my kids. I think maybe some of them assume I can't possibly have enough to keep me busy or entertained without working outside of the home. Here is one day in our lives for those who wonder. Sadly it isn't an atypical day, as my kids are notorious for doing odd things and creating odd situations. The names have (not) been changed to protect the guiltyinnocent.

J=Jenna, my big brown eyed, chipmunk voiced two year old

My 2 year old walks up to me with her finger stuck up her left nostril.
J:Ouch, mommy. Mommy, ouch. (With finger in her nose.)
I swipe her hand away from her nose and say "Well it wouldn't BE ouch if you keep your fingers out of your nose, honey."
She sticks her finger up there again, almost insisting. "OUCH mommy!"

Now Jenna isn't normally the type to run around picking her nose-she's usually very ladylike-so I started to get clued in that maybe something was wrong.
J:"OUCH MOMMY" (finger in nose again)
M:"Do you have something in your nose honey?"
J:"ya." (Looks up at me with huge brown eyes.)
M:"What's in your nose, honey?"
J:"Up derr" (sticks finger up nose again as if pointing to where object is)
I take her finger out of her nose once more and peer up her nose. There appears to be a light colored round thing in her left nostril.
I place her on my lap, lean her head back, and peer up there again in better light. There appears to be a shiny golden POPCORN KERNEL up her left nostril. I freak.
M:"Jenna did you put a POPCORN KERNEL up your nose???"
J: (Looks at me as if I had three heads)

I tell my 9 year old son to go get me the tweezers so that I can attempt to get the foreign object out of my child's nostril. I tilt her head back again and peer up her nose. I can just see where the kernel makes a teardrop shaped point-I hope to grasp that and pull it out. If not we may have to go to the hospital.

My 9 year old son, Christian: "Hey why don't we just VACUUM it out???" (malicious look of glee on his face.)
I ignore him.

My attempt with tweezers fails-AND I make her nose bleed, which makes me feel REALLY bad. Next step-hospital.

I call my mom:
Me: Uh, hey mom? Could you watch a bunch of the kids while I take Jenna to the hospital?"
Mom:"Cari why would you have to take Jenna to the hospital?"
Me:"Uh, well, she stuck a corn kernel up her nose."
Mom: "I swear you and your family are gonna be the death of my sanity! Get the kids dressed and call me back."
Me:(Sheepishly) "ok"
We hang up.

I start to clean the kids up-it's right after brekkie-(we had oatmeal so they are pretty messy.) My son is jumping up and down frantically in the background asking OVER AND OVER AND OVER again if we can vaccum the corn kernel out of her nose.
I finally become irate and annoyed with my son:"NO!!! We can NOT vacuum your sister's face!!!"
9 yr. old:(disappointed) "Why not mom?"

I go on getting her ready as I think about my vacuum for some reason. It's very powerful-and only about 8 months old-has great attachments too. I envision what they might do to my child at the hospital-long tweezer looking thingys being stuck up her nose to try to remove the offending article.

Me:"Christian, go plug in the vacuum."

I lay Jenna on my lap on Christian's bed, tilt her head back-one hand on her forehead so I can see 'up derr'. I enlist Christian's help in holding down my (surprisingly strong) 2 year old's flailing arms. I take out the attachment and turn on the vacuum. Jenna is looking SERIOUSLY perplexed and confused by this time. (Why in the WORLD is mom wielding the vacuum attachment and holding me down???)

I stick the hose to the middle of her face for a few seconds. She howls. I pull the vacuum away and peer into her nose. The kernel is gone. (Thank God!)

Jenna is MAD. She jumps up and down yelling at me "No no mommy!!!! That's a bad, bad gowel!!!!" Now normally I wouldn't let her speak to me in this manner but seeing as I just vacuumed about half her face off I figured she was entitled to a bit of a rant.

I won't even post about the conversation I had with my mom when I called to tell her we got the kernel out. It's replete with verbally abusive words and phrases such as stupid, retarded, and 'it scares me that you have offspring'...she was just joking, know that back East sarcasm. Heh.

The rest of the morning was uneventful (thankfully for my sanity.) I put the toddlers on the couch and threw a Disney movie on-they were NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE COUCH for the duration of the movie. (I'm sorry-I had way too much excitement for the morning.) I actually sat next to them and got some studying done! (I'm currently taking a Sewing and Dressmaking course.) Amazing.

Jenna has been fine for the rest of the day-no fingers in her nose, no 'Ouch mommy.' An unorthodox way to solve that little fiasco for sure, but at least it worked. :)

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